“Grand Theft Ghetto” aka “Lou, My Bad?”

unfortunately sometimes the insanity of the women I date spreads to my friends.

I briefly dated a young lady that had such a ghetto name that replacing it with a standard name would be an insult to the English language. So I’ll call her


I however am not writing about her, (or how she cheated on her boyfriend with me on my fathers pool table.*cough*) No, this is about her friend whose name I don’t remember and my best friend who was an unfortunate victim in this.

We will call her friend


because I’m almost positive she was named after a color or a fruit or something equally dumb to name another human being.

So after meeting me “La’Kree’s” friend “Cyan” decided she wanted to meet one of my friends, I decided to hook her up with one of my friend Lou I figure if all else failed at least I can say that I hooked up one of my friends with someone…

Oh and did I EVER hook him up……

The morning after their first date I get a crazy phone call from Louis…

Louis: “Come help me find my car!”

Me: “What!?”

Louis: “you heard me… that bitch stole my damn car!

well that isn’t 100 percent accurate…

apparently he picked up “Cyan” and shortly after she got a phone call or something and asked if he could pick up and drop off her brother at his g/f’s house…

Lou goes to pick up her “brother” and  that’s when he gets the dumbest sob story ever, something about the girlfriends parents not liking ol’ boy or some other such bullsh*t. When Lou gets to this alleged “Girlfriends house” the guy asks…

“since the parents don’t like me can you knock on the door for me? Just in case they’re home?” (or something like that)

So after what I’m sure was healthy negotiation Louis gets out of the car and goes up the stairs to knock on the door, as he approaches the house… you guessed it… Buddy boy jumps in the driver’s seat and drives away with his car.

Did I mention that it was like midnight?

Did I mention that it was raining?

Did I mention that Lou had no shoes on?

Okay that shoes thing was a lie however I felt as if he had no shoes on when I heard the story. He had to walk in the rain with no jacket about 20 blocks to the EAST Cleveland police department

Typical East Cleveland Officer starting his shift

As you can imagine the effectiveness of the East Cleveland Police Department when it comes down to “minor” crimes such as larceny, theft…. drug trafficking etc was… uh… well look at the caption above. I can’t honestly remember how he even got home that night but i know it wasn’t till well after 4am.

Anyway he gets a call from “Cyan” the next day apologizing, telling him the car is somewhere in my neighborhood… after a few hours we find it, the BIG SHOCKER was that all of his CD’s were gone from the car as well as anything of value (Louis was known by the way to have no fewer then 200 cd’s at a time with him and even when he later got an iPod he damn near filled 160gb due to his utter sickening love for Music.)

If memory serves “Cyan” had the audacity later to try to go out with him again… fortunately “Free Car Giveaway day” was over.

you know how sometimes you look back and laugh at some things in life? yeah… its been 8 years and we still don’t directly address that scenario… much less laugh at it… Hell even getting his permission to post this I had to wait for him to be watching TV with his Girlfriend and say…

Me: “hey I’m writing a post about something that happened to you…”

Lou: “*Sigh* how long ago was it?”

Me: “…. The Mustang”

Lou: “………………….. go ahead”

fortunately for me… being an *ss-Hole means never having to say you’re sorry (more than 1000 times.)