“Double-Diner-Disaster” aka “C-Whop I’m Sorry”

For the purposes of this excercise I’m going to call this tragic waste of DNA


A few years back I met a young lady at some fast food restaurant…

(yeah… already all the way bad)

I gave her credit b/c she reminded me a lot of a young lady I’d recently gotten out of my life that I was fond of (despite the fact that she was completely immoral.) So she was in luck, I however… was NOT so lucky!

after “chopping her down” (look the Wordz-Terminology in full effect.) We agreed to go out to eat.  This is where EVERYTHING goes wrong.

at the time I wasn’t sure of the young ladies maturity level AT ALL especially b/c of where she worked and how she spoke so I felt like the best thing to do was get some back up… a “Wing-Man” of sorts to help me out. (I thought she would have a cute friend that I could hook up one of my friends with so even if it was a total travesty I could AT LEAST help out one of my friends.)

So after making a few phone calls I employed the aid of my now married boy C-Whop…

"Real American Hero" for this, he should've gotten a medal

Why do they call him C-Whop? Well hell I don’t know, because he thought it would be funny to hear me call him while standing next to my Italian district manager one day… yup… bad day.


The first of the bad events happened when I picked the young lady up and she had me meet her mother… now… to those inexperienced enough NOT to notice how BAD that is… or how much of a red flag that is, I’ll break it down for you..

there is NO REASON that a grown woman would need or want you to meet her mother on the first date for any reason unless

  • She has an UNhealthy attachment to her mother
  • She’s Crazy and convinced her that you are her soul mate or something equally disturbing
  • She’s on… I dunno PROBATION
  • She’s Y O U N G
now… it’s about here that I realised that although this young lady was over 18… it wasn’t by much… especially b/c I found her young *ss mom mildly attractive… (or maybe it was b/c her young *ss mom flirted with me I’m not sure.)
Anyhow, strike 2 was when I went to pick up her best friend…
we will call her best friend…
Sylvester was an amazing train wreck of ghetto-fabulocity….. yes… Ghetto – FAB-U-LOCITY… when she spoke to me she had the WORST smoker-voice Id ever heard in my life… and as soon as the two got together… I wanted to kill myself…
Sylvester & Tweety wasted no time speaking to each other as loud as you can without considering it yelling, as well as talking about absolutely NOTHING!

seeing as I’m getting a headache just RECALLING this nightmare I’m going to speed it up to the Highlights…
My boy works at Bahama Breeze so we decided to go, which would have been a GREAT idea, however they felt that the “tables were too tall and long” and the “Food on the menu didn’t lood good” and continued to complain untill they forced us to go to Red Lobster.
Now I’m not sure about where you live, but the Red Lobster in the area where we went is widely considered the most “hood” Sea food restaurant you can go to in the greater Cleveland area. Needless to say C-Whop and I were THRILLED to be leaving where we were, for a place with damn near the SAME menu, FAR worse service and terrible atmosphere…
UGH!!…. I need a moment….
Things get far worse folks… as we get ready to order My date Tweety Begins to do the impossible, NEVER BEFORE SEEN, live action Tweet/Ask her friend/”Bestfriending” 
So was I… so let me show you EXACTLY what I mean by that…

“ooo Bestfriend, I’m looking at the menu, what should I get best friend!?”

“Best Friend, I’ma Get the Cheddar biscuits Best friend!”

“Best Friend, should I wear my shorts tomorrow Best friend!?”

“Best Friend, I Love You Best Friend!”

“Best Friend, I Just dropped my fork Best Friend!”

I hope the yellow font somehow made that more annoying to read so that you could somehow feel a portion of our frustration with this (which went on THE ENTIRE EFFING NIGHT!!) That coupled with her friend Sylvester constantly talking about fighting females and some guy that she was with for a while made us want to shoot ourselves.
Needless to say I never spoke to that young lady again however the horror didn’t quite end there.
I found out years later Sylvester was BAT SH*T INSANE!! She apparently began to stalk C-Whop, AFTER she told him that she had urges to stab and eat people or some insane nonsense like that. I tried to laugh about it because clearly she HAD to be joking…. yeah… C-Whop still doesn’t find it funny…. at all.
On the all-bad scale this date rates:


(mainly b/c no ones life was in danger this time however I could count it as 8 because we ended up paying in more ways than one)