Beware!! “Stage 5 Clingers”

Recently I had a SADventure that made me write this article… I will code name THIS particular clinger:

“Dana Haughton”

 Anyway kind people this particular danger is defiantly Uni-Sex… I have friends (both women and men) who exhibit clinger behavior from time to time. So you ask me…

“Wordz, what EXACTLY is a ‘Stage 5 Clinger’?”

The term ACTUALLY came from the movie “Wedding Crashers” however it was incredible and relatable to SO MANY people because we have ALL dealt with “Clingers” and “Stage 5 Clingers” 

The New Name in Terror

Urban Dictionary defines “Stage 5 Clingers” as: a person who is obsessive over the guy or girl who took their virginity. Usually someone who is very insecure, a bitch, needy and/or clingy.

I would like to alter the virginity thing and just go ahead to define a Stage 5 clinger as:

It’s a person who is obsessive over the guy or girl they’ve dated or slept with Usually someone who is very insecure, a bitch, needy and/or clingy.

we've all seen it

so you ask….

“Wordz HELP!! How do I know if I’m Dealing with a Stage 5 Clinger??”

glad you asked… here are some Symptoms/Signs….


blah.... blah.... blah....

One of the main traits of the modern-day Stage 5 Clinger… is the fact that they are what is known as a “Bug-a-boo”  a person who calls or txts to damn much, wont take hints, always mad that you don’t respond when they feel like you should respond, gets mad when told they’re calling and txting too much they often call repeatedly then call from a private number/different number

Bugaboos are easy to spot because they initiate this insane cycle of calling and txting very soon after you meet OR go out not realising that smothering you is NO the proper way to a. get to know someone or b. show someone who you like them.

another thing they are GREAT for… asking:

“What’re you doing?”

“where are you?”

“who are you with?”

“when do you get off?”

“when can I see you?”

“why aren’t you answering me?”

“The Face Hugger”

Not THIS kind of Face Hugger idiot

not to be confused with the creature from Aliens… Or really tight jeans

no… the “face hugger” is a young lady who decides to recklessly post numerous things on your Facebook wall or tag you in numerous consecutive posts…

it isn’t unusual or even that annoying to have someone “like” a couple of random pics or even a few status’… hey I’ll accept a couple of comments here and there… maybe even a poke or two but when you go on a date with someone and they like EVERYTHING from pics to stats… Even friendship accepts then comments on all of the above from the last month… yeah that’s doing too much

anything more than 2 posts/tags to me… doing too much
its like the young lady is attempting to “mark her territory”…. and in some cases when its obvious… yeah… all bad… “face hugging” a NO-NO!

“the para trooper”

yet again idiot... NOT this kind!!

plain and simple… this is the person that drops in on you uninvited at unexpected and random times/places
ie. work, home, your friend’s house, the bar you frequent
there’s usually some “amazing excuse” for why or sometimes there isn’t… these people genuine think they have some sort of right or permission or that they aren’t invading or intruding… idiots

First Documented Stage 5 Clinger!

(people… these in my mind are ALL forms of stalking… id consider them “Gateway behavior”)

Another thing that Stage 5 Clingers are great with… is Jealousy… but that’s another article for another day!

(just to be fair… let the record show, “Dana” didn’t do anything more than blow my phone up like crazy… but it’s still all bad, and when I told her what she could do to change the situation… of course she got angry. oh well!)