“Call of the WILD”

Hello good people and happy new year….

For most of us, drinking…. not a bad idea… fun times!

well... for most of us....

Then picking up the phone while drinking, comical, funny, harmless…

well......

... for MOST OF US....

but then there are those of us who get drunk… pick up the phone… and then the phone transforms… into something much more humiliating…

and deadly...

This this article is about a young lady that for the purposes of this article I’ll call…

“Lady”

When I first met “Lady” we had a few conversations and she seemed cool enough (and believe it or not… NOT CRAZY!!) So her and I went out, and to my surprise I had a GREAT time! She was very very cool, down to earth, very laid back and we had a few similar interests! Epic right? Well at first I believed so… but what can you REALLY be sure of after ONE date right?

“So, Wordz what went wrong?”

well soon after our epic date she goes on vacation… and that’s when alcohol mixes with cellular device… and that…. is when I get the phone call. (Mind you every time I attempted to hang up I got called back.)

Issue number 1: “Lady” all of a sudden… at random… has the Deepest southern accent I’ve ever heard… Ever. In fact for a while it was REALLY hard to even understand what she was saying (did i forget to mension that she doesn’t speak with an accent at all?)

Issue number 2: She kept yelling something that sounded like “Yeah” mixed with “Eww” mixed with “Yo” every few minutes at any and everyone that passed her by. which brings me to….

Issue Number 3: She phoned me while wandering the area she was vacationing/partying from… Shouting at every bystander, talking sh*t to passers-by, in fact (and I was actually amused by this) she kept calling random dudes names of the cast from Jersey Shore. It was all quite un-lady like and a huge turn off.

I really hate it when someone calls me and is preoccupied with people around them OR it’s too loud to talk to them regardless, furthermore i dislike talking on the phone anyway so this was all bad on MANY levels!

Issue Number 4: most of the dialog in said convo consisted in lots of “Reaching/Fishing” (I’m going to have another article explaining what reaching it soon.) Reaching is annoying as HELL and very unattractive. ALL of this… leads us to….

The Coup de grâce

Issue Number 5: uhm… I’m Just going to Condense this down to the actual verbatim on this one…

Lady: *Insert that odd Eww noise*

Wordz: *sigh*

Lady: AYE!!

Wordz:

Lady: Yo… man dis iz crazy like…. I’m out hurr… an all I’m duun is thinkin abou-chu…

(sounds really sweet… even if that was the 30th time she said it… however it was IMMEDIATLY followed by…)

Lady: Yo Man… I got 30 N*ggas out hurr RIGHT-NOW D.T.F. and I’m callin yew.

(D.T.F. = D.own T.o F.uck)

Listen y’all… using “D.T.F.” while talking to a guy that you’re interested in and attempting to show your feelings too is a lot like swearing in church, or pissing on your mothers carpet, or telling a Police officer you would like a hamburger and fries…

SERVE & Protect right? Yeah I'll take fries with that!

Dane Cook said it best (Love him or Hate him) when he was talking about a woman using the term “Raw Dog” you should google it… good times.

Anyway she’s still a really cool young lady, and I decided to attempt to look past it heck, we even went out again once more. This particular event however… wow

Moral of the story… sometimes using the phone can be viewed as inappropriate OR it can just come back to haunt you…

...yup... went there...

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ThenWordzSaid

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