Rookies vs Vets Part 1: “The Rookie”

This is an age-old debate my friend Will and I get into ALL the time,

Cougars vs. Kittens Rookies vs. Vets I’ve Dated plenty of women that were a few years younger than me and enjoyed it, He has various experiences with women who are MUCH MUCH older than him. The back and forth we have is ALWAYS HILARIOUS not to mention FAR more than Blog worthy (we were actually going to use this as our first Podcast topic.) Anyway let’s get started! “The Rookie”

“The Rookie” is inexperienced and immature (typically between the ages of 18-22 but there HAVE been older cases.) Hence “The Rookie.” There are various Pros and Cons when it comes down to dealing with “The Rookie.”

Pro: They “pack light”

Probably my FAVORITE thing about “The Rookie” is she isn’t bogged down by several EONS of bullsh*t!

Shown here: My last two ex-girlfriends

for the most part “The Rookie” hasn’t been totally devastated by some abusive *sshole, terrible marriage, dismissive boyfriend etc.

Shown here: The rebound AFTER my last ex

this means not waking up in the middle of the night with tear soaked T-shirts, no uncomfortable conversations with wack “Baby-Daddys,” less of that sh*tty comparison BS that EVERYONE hates and more. For the most part… they pack light.

Con: They Pack… LIGHT

The thing about the battle scars that come with all that baggage… is invaluable real life experience. With that comes a sence of things that TRULY matter. “The Rookie” can be VERY VERY immature (and insecure) so she can/will read deeply and irrationally into absolutely NOTHING

OH MY GOD THIS IS TRAGIC... why hasn't he followed me on twitter yet?

(imagine her as Jesus and instead of water to wine she turns Molehills into Mountains) she can/will get HYSTERICAL over the most stupid things. Turning something fun into something INSANE, now she’s monitoring you…

and chances are stupid conflicts arise… it’s just an all around bad time

and if you are VERY unlucky you will come across “the drama queen” where EVERYTHING is a major life altering national crisis!

"I... I... lost my NUMBER 2 PENCIL!! MY LIFE IS OVER!!!!"

Pro: Sexual INexperience 

Several unscientific studies show women who aren’t as sexually active have tighter vagina. Any scientist will tell you it is the reduced amounts of nondescript penis’ blindly jabbing away at her tender lady parts.

"Taste-Testing" "Pi" is also common practice

Another plus is the rookie hasn’t yet developed annoying sexual habits that only some strange sexual deviant of a douche bag liked or for the most part “The Rookie” is willing to learn new things and eager to please. (Then again that makes YOU the Strange sexual deviant douche bag that she learns from but hey who ares right?) The reduced risk of infection and disease is always nice as well.

This guy is NOT a breakdancer OR a rapper

Con: Sexual INexperience

She’s had a reduced amount of nondescript penis’ blindly jabbing away at her tender lady parts. Any Scientist will tell you, due to inexperience she has a LOT to learn about more than just laying there like a cute ignorant board.

Yep... That's Tahiry Planking... nothing funny about this.....

(this was the original joke caption... forgive me, I got side tracked)

“The Rookie” doesn’t know WHAT THE F*CK she is doing so there is LOTS of training needed. Making the THOUGHT of things like oral sex (almost) too terrible to think of!

"I can try"

So even though thankfully we as men are almost certain that we will “finish what we start” that does NOT mean that it won’t be boring/awkward. On occasion “The Rookie” doesn’t know enough about what fully pleases her making it even more difficult for you (the selfish sexual clutz that you are) to (accidentally as you blindly jab away) make her climax.

Pro: It’s all New!

“The Rookie” is Fun and Easy going (usually.) She isn’t stuck in her ways and is usually willing to try new things and go new places! You can teach her new and interesting things Making a fun time easy to have.

Oh-Em-Gee! This song is SO FUNNY! "You can't trust a big butt and a smile" Where do you find this stuff!!??

She hasn’t really come out of her bubble yet.

Con: It’s ALL New.

She hasn’t come out of her bubble yet… so chances are… conversation is usually very superficial or terrible!

unless you really give a DAMN about Chris Brown, Bieber, or Twilight...

I mean having fun is cool, pop-culture is fine, but if you’re someone who wants to have a meaningful convo about geo political analysis, subconscious and reverse racism, the decline of our corrupt western civilization or just plain REAL HIP-HOP, she’s clueless!

Why is he so mad? all I said was "Lil B is better than his 'Run DMV' or whoever"

Pro: Dedication

When treated correctly “The Rookie” can be very VERY loyal devoted and easily one of the most dedicated.

Which is always good when you're down

Con: Dedication

“The Rookie” is relatively new to emotional defecation so although at FIRST she can come off very dedicated and loyal it is VERY easy for that to ACTUALLY be a VERY VERY unhealthy attachment.

we’ve ALL been there before. Some one you’re dating gets SUPER clingy and it starts off being irritating…

(Fun Fact: this actually looks like an ex of mine and I... it's creepy)

too sufficating

then too often Spirals out of control into something much…

"Why did Lauren 'LIKE' your facebook status last night??!!"



Worse! Well… maybe not THIS bad… but with inexperience usually comes immaturity. With all of this the stupid argument is not uncommon… it’s actually VERY common. and well, that’s pretty wack.

All and all “The Rookie” has her ups and down’s,  but then again so does “The Vet” what do you think? Did I miss any?