Rookies vs Vets: The Veteran

Yes, Part two of Rookies vs Vets, and you’re welcome!

So in part one we explored the wonderful world of “the rookie” the deliciously naive and eager to please! however THIS article is about my boy Mindsouljahs favorite… “The Veteran”

(yes that’s Stiflers mom)

The Veteran (or more commonly referred to as “The Cougar”) is a majestic female specimen why do we call this sexual dynamo “The Veteran?” well just like Jack Bauer (24)  John McClane (Die Hard) or Bryan Mills (Taken) they’ve been through a LOT and honed their craft over a LONG career.

“I don’t have morals. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills; skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a Wet-Dream for people like you.”

Although “The Vet” isn’t ALWAYS older… it is kiiiiiiinda scary to come across a female that is young and a sexual bad-ass, in fact I would say proceed with caution.

it could be VERY risky

and with no further a due, the Pros and Cons of “The Vet”

Pro: She’s a F*CKIN BEAST!!

“The Vet” is (usually) AMAZING in bed… She’s no stranger to strange positions and has made what were once her “little tricks” into her perfected sexual technique! “The Vet” (For lack of a better term) WILL put it ON you! She knows what to do and when to do it… hell her sexual prowess is what defines the category!

… she’s the real “McCoy” alright

Con: She’s a F*CKIN BEAST!!

She’s no stranger to varied amounts of nondescript penis’ blindly jabbing away at her tender lady parts, and knows what to do with them. You had better be damn good and ready with a sh*t ton of cardio (or at least a good prescription)  and have at least half the confidence I do or by the end of it all you’re going to feel like a child.

(I agree with Daniel Tosh, The TeBow should be used after shame)

Worse yet, that World Heavyweight Championship belt winning performance you just put on, while impressive to some…..

“I could have been balancing my check book, Damn…”

Pro: She’s got tricks up her sleeve

Chances are there are some things that “The Vet” can teach you, she might even bring something interesting to bed with her… oh yeah!

“Say hello to my little friends”

Con: She’s got tricks…. up her sleeve

She might have some abnormally vast and peculiar collection of artifacts in that above mentioned “tool box” of hers and you had better be ready to roll with whatever crazy thing she wants you to use on her and PREY she doesn’t try to use any of that crazy ish on you. Plus she’s now rather seasoned and able to manipulate as many suckers (YES YOU DUMMY) as she wants for WHATEVER she wants.

Not Shown Here: You Slightly below frame “Earning your keep”

THE ABSOLUTE WORST about it………. She might bring something “interesting” to bed with you……. that you can’t get rid of…. Picture not included on this one 😦

Pro: She’s a Survivor (long pause) Beyoncé *Drake Voice*

“The Vet” has survived… she has survived heart-break, blows to the ego, dramatic break ups narcissistic personalities, abusive boy-friends, rage-o-holics etc. Your drooling in bed just DOESNT have the same impact or urgency that it does for “The Rookie”

Con: She’s a Survivor (long pause) Michelle *Drake Voice*

“The Vet” HAS SURVIVED…. all types of abuse and slimy grimy guy situation that she her self could handle…

not really sure what super hero group these guys belong to but i would NOT buy the comic

so while lots of little things that bug “The Rookie” go ignored… don’t be confused “The Vet” has the capacity to be more bitter than unsweetened cocoa and have more baggage then an airport. She does NOT trust you no matter how many doors you open, flowers you deliver, gifts you give, NOTHING you do is enough because you have a penis… that and something you said once or a look you gave her reminded her of her ex and now you’re that guy trying to hit her or sleep with all of her friends.

oh or whats even worse still

yup… regardless of the numerous professions of otherwise

Pros: Vets have GREAT stories

As men we are usually pathetically obsessed with coitus

Sex… it’s GRRRRRRR-eat!!

unfortunately this often leads us to acting very strange and in some cases with some of us it makes us act thirsty or freaking CRAZY! and most fo the time they don’t mind going into stories in the right setting. Stories that most of the time make you feel AMAZING because of course… you’d HATE to be THAT guy!

like the dude who kept drunk dialing her… you know…. THAT guy

Cons: Vets have GREAT Stories

see the problem with lots of “Vets” is that she has seen SO MANY bizarre things that without her knowing it she will tell you some crazy story about some odd thing that she went through that makes you think of her differently and question EVERYTHING you thought you knew about her. There is also the possibility that said stories might revolve around one person and before you know it you are yet again in the situation when you realize she is still harboring feelings for an ex and in need of closure.

I’m just saying after we got back together the 12th time he cheated AGAIN!!

All and all “The Vet” has plenty of ups and Downs just like “The Rookie” if I missed any let me know. Till next time….