The Vagina with a Price Tag

Hello again Good people and fans of my misery.  This particular instance is about a young lady who we will call…


(Fellas, I apologize in advance)

Shortly after taking on a new job I meet this young lady and it turned out that she was funny, rather well spoken, dressed like a lady had common interests and actually not at all hood. All things that were very intriguing to me considering where I met her and our age difference.

it didn’t hurt that she has a TRULY awe-inspiring…. uh… Smile…

*Cough* Where was I?

So I decide to take Tierra out, I had a pretty good time, I was nearly impressed but there was still something about her that I couldn’t put my finger on, and around a week or two later, it happened.

Her and I were on the phone as I was doing some late night shopping, out of nowhere she starts randomly talking off topic about the coach website here and there. As a random-person, I really didn’t mind or take heed to it at first and continued back ON topic of whatever we were talking about. Red flags start going off around the fourth or so time she brought it up until finally she says something like,

“Wow…. I really REALLY like THIS $300 purse I just can’t afford it right now (long pause.)”


…. right.

ALL the way aware of where this was going, I reply “That’s what’s up, you should just get some random WACK dude to buy it FOR you.”

“I’m not pretty enough for that” 

…. right.

So I say some obligatory miscellaneous yet self reciprocal statement like “Sure you are, my standards are too high for you not to be” and I change the subject HARD. In one of those difficult to rebound ways like someone asking you an off topic question about life death religion politics or something, I just can’t remember what I changed it to. Then out of no where she goes,

“So, Can you buy me this purse?” 

ah, there it is!

I laugh “Well, first of all I said some RANDOM-WACK dude… as in not ME. Second of all I don’t even KNOW you enough to even THINK about the IDEA of buying you anything much less a $300 coach purse”

“So, What do I have to do for you to know me well enough for you to buy me that purse?”

Well as many “Man-Points” as I’m going to lose for this, (and as much as the Wordz from 4 years prior STILL hates me for this) I answered like a gentleman and reluctantly let that easy EASY “conquest” go.

I HAD to Y’all! I mean number one:

Shown here: The Going Rate for Vagina in that Area code

She was basically willing to give it up for a purse that, let’s just be honest here people, she would have NEVER gotten had we actually slept together. Which makes me wonder exactly how often this tactic has worked for her AND how cheap the price has been for her in the past…

Hell, Canal Street would make her a Knock-Off-Jump-Off for cents on the Dollar

(That pic kind of makes you want to ask how many times y’all can have sex in one day don’t it?)

Number two: My Pride. For some reason the idea of her “selling” it to me AND ESSENTIALLY calling me a “Wack-Random” dude both bugged me top of everything else. Perhaps it was my pride saying “What kind of desperate loser does she take me for??” Maybe I respect a challenge too much (Hell to me if it’s worth ANYTHING I have to work for it)… or maybe I know my penis would never forgive me if we played russian roulette with our collective well-being over an admittedly wonderful WONDERFUL…

uh…. Smile….. (wait, what were we talking about again?)

The main reason however is that I reached a point long ago where I’ve been looking for “the one” I mean I know that sounds lame but when you have as much mileage as I do you eventually need some stability and someone you can give a damn about that gives a damn back and uh, I’m not going to make an emotional investment in anyone that can be bought for less than I make in one of my bonus checks.

Now, Some would say “she could have just been Joking” I did consider that so I gave it some time but what caused me to NEEEEEVER speak to her again was the very next time we had a Text conversation, she said something like

“What’s up Sugar Daddy?”

Bish-Please! I don’t negotiate with terrorists.

…. I Still should have slept with her, huh?