This my friends and readers is (in short) the definition of “Honesty.” So the question still remains, “What is the key to being honest (or at LEAST more honest than normal?)”
I don’t profess that I’ve never lied or mislead or even had a hard time with the truth. We all have, However Honesty is kinda like my thing so here you kind folks go. You’re welcome.
In my personal experience honesty is not only the best policy… but best when practiced early on. I say it all the time “Honesty is kinda my gimmick.”
(NO, I’m not saying when you first meet someone to shake hands, exchange names and then tell them EVERY AGONIZING DETAIL, revealing EVERY skeleton in your closet either!)
Take heed readers… “YOU GON LEARN TODAY” *Kevin Harts Dads Voice*
“As it naturally arises being honest and casual EARLY is the BEST possible practice.” – ME
Let the person you’re dealing with in on any uncomfortable truths, as EARLY as possible, as they arise (in that order of importance.) As difficult as it is to do with someone you barely know, things are more easily forgiven or even dismissed when mentioned early on. Mainly because for the most part bad news is less painful on both parties when there isn’t a big emotional investment.
Example: whenever I met a young lady in my SUPER early 20’s I would tell her almost immediately “I’m looking for a Girl friend, until then I AM single and dating… If that’s not cool with you and you need something more exclusive in a much more immediate fashion, no harm done no big deal it was nice meeting you, but I find you attractive and I would like to see where we could go. I just want to be clear so there is no confusion of my intentions here.”
That served other purposes as well as out lined in …
“Never take away another persons choices, be honest and be appreciated” – ME
The reason so many people are dishonest is they are afraid that the second party will have a negative reaction and leave them or loose it. While this may be true in some cases if you face some “big bad truth” EARLY and WITH someone you have given them the option to choose on their own. If they chose AGAINST you and you’ve followed the previous lesson then it’s cool… remember its less painful to jump off of the bottom rung of a ladder then the top one.
Example: Anyone remember Thriller? Michael Jackson? Yeah, that Thriller! I love michael and all… but He did that ALLLLL wrong!
Following the last 2 lessons would have allowed the woman a chance to choose if she wanted to be in an episode of “when animals attack” and if she chose to stay, she wouldn’t have been blindsided by Wolf-Mike. Hell in half of these Vampire shows the woman who knows her man is a wolf helps him get all chained up and even keeps him from killing people in the city etc. (I will say at least Mike told her at the gate of the relationship, but damn.)
the point is, if you were honest, THEY made the conscious choice.
“unpleasant situations will ALWAYS occur be ABLE to occur or get WORSE in the absence of honesty, remove their power with straight forward honesty.” – ME
1.The truth will always ALWAYS come to surface eventually.
2 The longer you wait, telling the truth will be more difficult and the impact of the “big bad thing” will be much worse
Think about ANY TV SHOW or movie where most of the plot revolves around some lie the main character is trying to cover up, then you think about it and had they just been honest in the beginning things wouldn’t have escalated or spun EVEN FURTHER out of control. Hell in most of those situations the trouble they went through in the movie could and would have been TOTALLY avoided had they just been straight-forward to begin with.
YOU being honest to begin with removes the sting it would have if it reared its ugly head later. Also eliminating the possibility of anyone playing games with you attempting to get the truth out.
Example: What I said earlier, I’ve NEVER felt that getting someones number and going to Denny’s and a movie once or twice ment I was in a relationship or had any intense obligation to THAT person. SO I would say so, hence eliminating the possibility of confusion, hurt feelings or even the awkward “who’s she?” moments that lots of guys much less open than I was would have to deal with.
As a side point: If you make a mistake, Face it. admit to it. Fix it (if possible) and move on. Get ahead of the monster as fast as you can and cut that B*tches head OFF!
“Lying takes too much DAMN work preparation and upkeep” – ME
This one is QUITE Simple, and honestly the largest reason I’m as open as I am. I’m LAZY!! Geez hiding things sufficiently takes LOTS of thought, preparation, up keep, expert witnesses, a wheel man, a safe cracker…
Just too much work and lots of the time it just falls apart. Now AGAIN, that isn’t to say that I’ve never lied to someone or mislead anyone it’s just so. much. work. that I’d rather not do.
“know your audience, then relax.” – ME
It’s important to properly gauge the person you are dealing with and figure out the best time AND METHOD to tell them things. No matter what your intentions are there are just SOME PEOPLE who will NOT be receptive to the truth in a good way. Hell I was in a relationship with a woman who actually told me NOT to tell her things because she couldn’t handle it. (Yet always wanted to fight about some dumb stuff that she heard/and wouldn’t ask about from when we weren’t together.) The second half of this is to just relax. The problem with most people is when we like someone we are overly critical of ourselves AND the truth about whatever big bad “Thing” that’s in out past. Listen… if the person likes us, and things are going well, Just be cool. Certainly there are things that we don’t like about ourselves but the other person ALSO has the similar issues because no one is perfect.
Example: I met a young lady that was amazing, we met and hit it off immediately, I was caught off guard completely by how cool she was! (I still profess that she was a “Mulatto Whisperer” but that’s a different story.) Anyhow as some time went on I had to mention one of the main obstacles in this entire thing… that I use to date her friend (even though I don’t really think it counts because her friend and I never REALLY went anywhere.) At first the news wasn’t received well (you should have seen her face) however we moved past it relatively fast.
The point (and key is) RELAX, if you’ve followed this entire post you can both get over the “fun” stuff together and move forward. I didn’t make a big deal or production out of the news I told her. I just told her, quite matter of factly and we got over it. Also most of the time it isn’t what you say as much as it is HOW you say it. (I could write a lesson on THAT alone.)
in conclusion these are the main 5 things that I do my best to live by (it also helps that I’m pretty blunt), however there are other tactics out there, feel free to share yours.